Dzamage

A new standard scale for spiciness

Dzamage — Thu, 07 May 2026 17:02:56 +0000

I’m tired of the lack of consistency for hot sauce/food spiciness scales (and don’t even come at me with that Scoville crap). I’m done, I made my own scale and everyone should use it.

Too many damn scales

Look at the bottle or website of your favourite hot sauce and you’re bound to see at least some variation of the mess above. You got 5-point scales, 6-point scales, 10-point scales, 12-point scales, thermometers, mild/medium/hot scales, and of course the mother of all scales: Scoville. They are all trying to tell us how much hurt these sauces will inflict without any consistency, standard, or accuracy. I applaud their effort, but it’s time for something better.

Scoville is meaningless

Well, what about Scoville? On the surface it seems like the best scale and is as close to an objective standard as we can get. True, but it has it’s problems too:

It’s not human. The range goes from 0 to (as of today) 2,693,000. What does that mean? Is 400,000 hot? who knows.
It’s not feasible. Most sauces don’t have a Scoville rating because it’s not easy to calculate.
Perception varies. Take for example DA’BOMB Beyond Insanity. This sauce has a measly Scoville rating of 135,600. I can tell you that anyone who has ever tried that sauce knows it feels a helluva lot hotter than that.

The new standard (Dzamage)

I designed my scale for how humans consume hot sauce. The result is a 12 point scale that answers the question:

How would it feel to the average person to consume a standard dinner-sized plate (10-12″) of food (evenly distributed approximately 1″ thick) with a moderate drizzle of hot sauce applied.

There are a couple exceptions to this rule:

If the sauce is prepared for a specific use case (such as chicken wings), the test would instead be for that specific use case in a restaurant-sized serving. So in the case of a wing sauce, the test would instead be for 100% coverage of 8 standard sized wings.
If the test is not sauce related, but rather a feature of a dish or drink, the test would instead be for full consumption of a restaurant-sized serving of that dish or drink.

Wait a sec, what’s a moderate drizzle?

I knew you would ask, so here’s a detailed diagram:

Now that we have the parameters sorted out, here’s how the scores are distributed:

The Dzamage Scale (DZ)

1 DZ

1. No perceived heat at all. For example Ranch salad dressing is a 1.

2 – 4 DZ (Mild)

The mild range is assigned 3 values:

2. Barely perceivable heat

3. Left wanting much more heat

4. Left wanting a bit more heat

5 – 9 DZ (Goldilocks)

I’ve given the most range to the Goldilocks zone, because variety is the spice of life (pun intended). Some dishes you want a bit spicier than you would normally, some you want a bit milder.

5. A bit more mild than perfect (edge of enjoyability)

6. A tad milder than perfect

7. The Perfect amount of heat

8. A tad hotter than perfect

9. A bit more hot than perfect (the edge of comfort)

10 – 12 DZ (Hot)

Much like the mild range, the hot range is given 3 values:

10. Uncomfortably hot

11. Painfully hot

12. Dangerously hot

13 DZ

13 Dzamage (which isn’t an official value) is reserved for one thing and one thing only, pure capsaicin extract and nothing else.

Feel free to use this scale

In fact, I encourage it’s usage. Put it on your bottle, website, whatever. If you want, link back here so that people know what it means. I dream of a world with a consistent standard for spicy: consistant, human-friendly, and easy to determine.

40 days without dessert

Dzamage — Thu, 30 Apr 2026 16:46:39 +0000

As you may remember, I quit sugar and snacks recently, but I wanted to take it a step further and focus on my relationship with food in general, so I added a couple rules to the challenge to take it up a notch:

Alternate day fasting (ADF)
Eat normal human portions

Here’s how it went

Setting myself up for failure

The day before I start my “challenge,” I decided to rid my house of all the sugar and snacks… by consuming them all. This idea sounded great to my monkey brain.

I woke up the next morning with what I can only describe as a snack hangover: I felt like garbage (splitting headache, the works). To make matters worse, I had an event at my son’s school to go to after work at which my wife (bless her heart) reserved a pizza for our family. So not only did I have to avoid the cookies and pancakes at this event, I was forced to watch my family consume a delicious pizza while I fasted with a still-pounding headache. After I got home, I had some tea with unflavoured electrolytes and I was cured.

The next day was smooth sailing until my wife came home from the movies with a full refill of theatre popcorn just for me. To clarify, I did tell my wife that I was starting this challenge, so at this point I’m wondering if she’s actively trying to sabotage me or if she just pretends to listen to me.

With my willpower intact I invite her to participate in the challenge with me. Apparently one of the characters in the movie she went to had an ear piercing and she wanted me to get one too, so we made it interesting. If she could make it 40 days without sugar/snacks, I’d get my ear pierced.

To be clear, I’ve never wanted an ear piercing (not out of a fear of pain, but more out of a fear of looking like a pop-star that was big 30 years ago or a washed up Much Music VJ). I don’t know, at my age I feel like a fresh ear piercing would scream midlife crisis. The next day, I consulted with a Gen Z colleague of mine, and she assured me they are making a comeback (unironically no less). Thus my saboteur became my accomplice.

Exceptions

To be honest, I knew in advance that the first week was going to be a bit of an exception to the challenge since it was my birthday week, but I made sure to be clear with the boundaries of that exception:

Sugar allowed on the day of my birthday.
I’m not going to tell everyone at work “no thanks” to the birthday cake they lovingly brought in for me and then awkwardly stand around while they consume cake on my behalf.
No limit at birthday parties.
I’m going to enjoy all the food possible with my friends and family at my birthday gatherings. I usually have two (one with family and one with friends). I am exempt from the “eat normal human portions” rule at these gatherings.
Birthday cake doesn’t count.
My family traditionally bakes me a birthday cake. I’m not going to try to consume the whole thing on the day of my birthday and I ain’t throwing it out, so birthday cake is exempt from the challenge until it is completely consumed.
Exceptions 1 and 3 apply to my wife as well.
After all, I’m not a monster.

Fasting was way easier now that my body had adjusted to the longer fasting window (I didn’t feel the hunger so much anymore).

About halfway through the week, I got a one-two punch to the ol’ willpower. First, new snacks appeared on the snack table at work, and then I found out my colleagues planned to have lunch at a favourite restaurant of mine at the end of the week (a fasting day). I steered clear of the snacks and begrudgingly declined the lunch invite.

Lucky for me, my eating days were lined up with my birthday gatherings. On my birthday, my colleagues brought in a ridiculous salted caramel & brownie cheesecake, and my family baked my birthday cake of choice (confetti cake (with sugar-free pudding icing this year)). I ate a copious amount of delicious food. Zero regrets.

At the end of the week, I had a problem: leftovers. I didn’t want all this great food going to waste, so I decided both Saturday and Sunday would be eating days.

The hard road back on track

Early in the week, I realized my mistake. By eating two days in a row in the previous week I had shifted my ADF schedule. Normally, not a big deal, but in this case I had a potluck to go to on what was now a fasting day.

I had two choices to correct the schedule:

Do another two day eating period
Do a two day (61-hour) fast

I opted for the 61-hour fast to get back on track. In the past, I had completed a 61-hour fast but it went a bit sideways. Long story short, I came down with a stomach bug just as I was about to break my fast and couldn’t eat for a couple days after that, but it was time to give it another shot.

Early in the week, I went to the theatre to see Send Help (which was a great movie by the way), and for the first time ever, I skipped the concessions. That’s right, I just watched the movie without filling myself with popcorn, candy, and soft drinks. It felt good.

I woke up the next day feeling great, no food hangover and ready to not eat for 2 days straight. At work, a coworker brought in some homemade monkeybread. Didn’t even flinch; I noticed I wasn’t craving sweet foods as much anymore. Kept it locked in all day and headed to bed early. One day down.

The next day, I woke up refreshed (even though the kids kept me up all night) and ready for fast day number two. I got to work and a catered breakfast was waiting for all of us compliments of the higher ups. It smelled amazing. I started off strong in the morning, but the smell lingered all day. By the end of the day, I was counting the hours left in my fast.

The next morning I woke up feeling weird. I quaffed a banana, walked for a half hour, and ate some CrunchMush and started feeling better. I got to work and this time breakfast is on my desk. I consumed my victory meal without regret. I had survived my second 61 hour fast, and I was back on track for the weekend potluck.

The longer I did it for, the easier it got

Were there more exceptions made in the final weeks? Yes. Life happens and I continued to adjust my schedule. Sometimes I ate one meal on a fasting day and two meals on an eating day to accommodate family get-togethers.

Did I succeed in eating “normal human portions” every day? No, sometimes I overate, but I made sure to “Fail like a cat” and not quit the challenge entirely.

After six weeks, I noticed something: it got easier. Alternate day fasting was just part of my routine. Sugar cravings went away. In fact, after the challenge concluded I had a victory sugary snack and it didn’t hit my brain like it used to. It was just, “meh.” I also noticed I was about 13 pounds lighter than I was when I started.

Did this challenge fix my relationship with food? No, but I think it was definitely a step in the right direction and I’m happy I did it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go get my ear pierced.

The quest for the perfect morning mush: Crunchmush

Dzamage — Thu, 23 Apr 2026 16:36:41 +0000

For me, “morning mush” has been the holy grail of my morning routine. It’s gone through many iterations over the years, but perfection has always remained just out of reach… until now.

It started out with overnight oats after which I quickly found out I despise overnight oats. How do people eat that garbage? I wanted to like them, I tried to acquire a taste for them, but ultimately couldn’t do it.

Then I tried some Skyr with all-bran buds, chocolate covered puffed quinoa, dried blueberries, and a splash of milk. It was aight, but got old quick.

We could do better. The perfect mush was out there somewhere waiting to be discovered. But what was I looking for, I had to define the perfect mush.

The perfect mush had to be:

Great tasting (something I look forward to eating every day)
Filling (and keeps me full until lunch)
High fibre (for the poop)
High protein (for the muscles)
Easy enough to make (while still half asleep)

Enter Crunchmush

Crunchmush is perfection. I can eat this stuff every day, it tastes great. Listen, it checks all the boxes, trust me. Here’s how you make it.

You’re going to need

1 biscuit of Shredded Wheat
(Most underrated cereal of all time)

2 large eggs

Cooking spray

Salt and Pepper

1/4 cup Low fat cottage cheese
(Low fat because we need that extra moisture. Also, get the US stuff if you can, it tastes way better than the Canadian stuff. Not sure why, it just does)

Hot sauce of your choice
(If you need a suggestion, I love Killer Kimchi from Cabajan Kitchen but the ones below are close runners up)

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A post shared by Dzamage (@dzamage)

Here’s how to make it

In a bowl, smash up one biscuit of shredded wheat
Spray some cooking oil in a pan over some heat and crack 2 eggs in.
With a spatula, just mess em up until you have something that resembles a crumbly scrambled egg.
Drop that over the smashed up shredded wheat and hit it with some salt and pepper.
On top of that, spread a 1/4 cup of low fat cottage cheese.
Top with your hot sauce of choice
Wang-jangle it until it’s all mixed up

I know it sounds weird to have savoury ingredients on shredded wheat, but trust me. It tastes amazing, the shredded wheat adds a satisfying crunch to the mush, and it’ll keep you full until lunch with only 317 calories.

And best of all, it’s so easy to make, you can do it while still half asleep. Try it; you won’t be disappointed.

Rule 8: The big secret (experts are mythical creatures)

Dzamage — Thu, 16 Apr 2026 16:29:00 +0000

You are an imposter and a fraud, and you’re just pretending you know what you’re doing. There, now that we have that out the way, we can move on; welcome to the club.

I’ve met a lot of experts in my career, and I can tell you something I’ve noticed. The really good ones that really know what they’re doing… they’re completely lost like me and you. It’s the ones that are arrogant enough to actually believe they know everything that you have to worry about. Those are the true imposters.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

–W.C. Fields

As someone who has been called an expert many times, I can assure you experts don’t exist. We are all pretending we know what we are doing and we are all making it up as we go. At this point, the world is changing so fast that as soon as you think you have a handle on something, the world has already moved on and you’re a decade behind. So, stop worrying about labels and about being good-enough, and just do the work.

This story is part of an ongoing series diving into the origins of each of rules outlined in Octavo (My eight-fold principles of life and work). Click here to see the full set of rules and to download and print your own copy of the rules and Zine.

Octavo (8vo) is both a format and a philosophy; it is a sheet of paper folded into 8 equal sections to form a book, and it is a philosophy folded into eight principles to form the architecture of how we work and live. Keep these principles posted wherever your work is done and refer to them often. Keep the zine in your back pocket at all times and refer to it when tempted to stray. Both the principles and the zine are provided here for free and can be printed from any monochrome printer that accepts legal-sized paper. Distribute as you see fit to your friends, family, and colleagues (but do not modify).

Rule 7: Be selfish with time (meeting ≠ work)

Dzamage — Thu, 09 Apr 2026 17:00:47 +0000

Get your priorities in life straight. I know a lot of very busy people who do very little.

Many confuse being busy with getting work done; these are not the same. This especially goes for meetings. More often than not, meetings are a waste of time that could have been better spent actually working. Avoid them if at all possible. If you don’t need to be on one, decline it (or at least ask if your attendance is necessary). I’ve seen calendars packed full of these things, to which I usually ask the poor soul caught in meeting hell, “when do you actually do work?” Even if your calendar isn’t packed solid, meetings sit as boulders in your day that knock you out of your flow state. If you’re running a meeting, do everyone a favour and make it as short as possible (or better yet, cancel it if it’s not necessary).

By-ends and silver Demas both agree;
One calls, the other runs, that he may be
A sharer in his lucre; so these do
Take up in this world, and no further go.

– John Bunyan

Now onto more important things: your time is precious and it belongs to you. Guard it with your life, because it is your life. Understand your priorities and say no to anything that does not align to them. When it is time to work, do your work. When it is not time to work, go home, and be with your family. This is what is most precious. No one on their death bed wishes they could have more time to work and make money.

Rule 6: Keep it weird (if nobody hates it, nobody loves it)

Dzamage — Thu, 02 Apr 2026 16:40:27 +0000

It’s human nature to want everyone to love your work, but that’s not how it works. Be the hot sauce in a world of oatmeal.

This rule was heavily inspired by James Victore and his book “Feck Perfuction: Dangerous Ideas on the Business of Life.” I highly recommend this book to everyone! Go out and buy it right now. If you already have a copy, buy another one.

It will be tempting (especially in the sanitized corporate world) to tamp down your work in order for it to be palatable for mass consumption. Don’t do it, the world needs more weird sh!t in it. Look around you, everything these days is boring, inoffensive, beige, oatmeal. Easy for the masses to consume without getting a tummy ache. There’s no passion, excitement, or edge anymore lest someone get… upset!!! (heaven forbid)

The things that made you weird as a kid, make you great today.

– James Victore

A large impact on a few is worth more than a small impact on many, so get comfortable with people hating your work. If they hate it, it wasn’t meant for them. Keep your work weird, and stop making oatmeal that everyone is just ok with.

You are an artist and a genius. Don’t fit in. Don’t even try.

– James Victore

Rule 5: Done > Perfect (don’t let perfect stop progress)

Dzamage — Thu, 26 Mar 2026 16:19:47 +0000

There are two types of people in the world, the “don’t release anything until it’s flawless” people, and the “minimum viable product” people. I don’t agree with either of of ’em.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of “minimum viable product.” It helps to break that idea that something has to be flawless before launching it into the world. That being said, life is about balance and existing in that uncomfortable grey zone between the two extremes. In other words, don’t launch sloppy work, but if you wait for it to be perfect, you’ll never launch.

80% of perfectionism is just egotistical navel-gazing. I saw this a lot in the design world where designers were producing work to win awards rather than solve business problems. If you’re producing work just to win awards, it’s time to reevaluate your goals in life.

Perfectionism may look good in his shiny shoes, but he’s a little bit of an asshole and no one invites him to their pool parties.

– Ze Frank

Instead, I recommend understanding what your work is trying to accomplish. Now, before you put the brakes on releasing your work into the world, ask yourself if this imperfection you’ve noticed will actually impact the purpose of that work. If no, then stop wasting time gazing into your own belly button and push the damn button. Yeah yeah, you’re detail oriented, but the truth is 98% of people consuming your work don’t care that much, and the other 2% can f*** off.

Push the button.

Rule 4: Keep Space Sacred (the mind doesn’t stop at the skull)

Dzamage — Thu, 19 Mar 2026 17:00:59 +0000

I’m going to be honest with you regarding this rule: I stole it from Tom Sachs’ 10 bullets. That being said, I like to think the spirit behind my rule is far removed from his.

This rule isn’t so much about the space I work in being sacred as it is the space around my person being sacred. I’m a firm believer that the mind doesn’t stop at the skull. Instead, it extends beyond your body and bleeds into the spaces you occupy. I know, sounds a bit new age, but stick with me here.

If you’re finding you’re having trouble concentrating, getting work done, enjoying time with those you love, or feel overwhelmed because you’re “so busy” all the time, take a moment to notice the space you’re in. The space you occupy is a reflection of the state of your mind. How’s it look?

Always be knolling

– Tom Sachs

Get your house in order. Clean your room and your mind will follow.

Rule 3: Fail Like a Cat (often and gracefully)

Dzamage — Thu, 12 Mar 2026 16:38:54 +0000

You ever see a cat just absolutely total itself trying to make a jump? What happened after? I bet the cat just stood up and continued on without even acknowledging the failure, right? We can learn a lot from cats.

This is an especially hard rule for me to follow, which is why I made sure to include it. I hate failing; I’m one of those people that after failing replays the failure over and over in my head. I need to be more like a cat.

“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.”

– Captain Picard

I believe at its core there are two reasons why I have trouble with this rule:

I don’t fail often enough
When I do fail, I don’t do it gracefully (I’m too hard on myself)

At some point your going to screw up and break something (maybe something big and important). You’ve probably done it a bunch of times already, but you survived and now you’re a little wiser than you were before. Fix what you broke and move on to your next failure.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn

– James Victore

Embrace your inner cat: fail fast, fail often, fail gracefully; failure is part of the process.

Rule 2: Lean into Frustration (it’s what learning feels like)

Dzamage — Thu, 05 Mar 2026 17:32:16 +0000

When you get frustrated about something you’re doing, do you quit or do you push through? The feeling of frustration sucks and nobody likes it, but understanding what’s underneath that feeling and choosing to embrace it is what separates the victors from the victims in life.

There’s plenty of research on the benefits of having a growth mindset over a fixed one. This is something I’m very careful to try to cultivate in own my children. Rule 2 speaks directly to that by re-framing what I see as the main contributor to the fixed mindset: fear of frustration.

I remember seeing mention (in a long lost article on the internet somewhere) of frustration being the physical feeling of your brain building new neural pathways. I don’t know if this is true, but but I like the idea of it. Suddenly, frustration isn’t something bad that we must try to avoid, but instead it’s just what learning feels like. Feeling frustrated? Good, that means your brain is still working. Give it time, and that task that seems like an impenetrable wall now, will seem minuscule later. Take it a step further and lean into frustration, understand it’s part of the process, and you’ll be unstoppable.