Happy Hot Sauce Day! So you’ve realized that one sauce ain’t going to cut it, and you want to start a hot sauce collection.
It’s a blessing and a curse that no one sauce works for all foods, but as the ‘ol clique goes, variety is the spice of life. That being said, you don’t have to bust the wallet buying a bunch of artisan sauces; instead focus on getting a sauce in each of the “Heatfull Eight” categories, and you’ll have a sauce for every occasion.
The “Heatfull Eight” (Categories)
In order of importance (at least for me)
- The Mad Dog
- The Sinner Saint
- The Bandito
- The Ninja
- The Wiseguy
- The Wingman
- The Donkey
- The All-Rounder
The Mad Dog
Flavour Profile: Condiment
Pepper Suggestion: Scotch Bonnet
Use it on: Hot dogs, burgers, fries, and sloppy joes.
The Mad Dog is your condiment of choice. In my case, it’s almost always a mustard based sauce, but for you it could be a ketchup based sauce, BBQ sauce, dill pickle, or even a sriracha. The Mad Dog is going to be the sauce you go through the quickest in your collection, so always have an extra bottle ready to go.
The Sinner Saint
Flavour Profile: Sweet heat
Pepper Suggestion: Habanero or Datil
Use it on: Chicken tenders, wings, and pork chops.
Much like life, you need a sauce in your collection that balances both pain and pleasure. Habanero and Datil peppers bring a good amount of heat and pair well with sweeter flavours like mango or similar fruits. Chicken and pork are prime candidates for this sauce. Throw some down on your chickie burg or your tendies, you won’t regret it.
The Bandito
Flavour Profile: Mexican
Pepper Suggestion: Jalapeño
Useit on: Tacos, burritos, and Mexican food.
This is likely where your love affair with the heat started while trying to add a little something to the sacred family taco Tuesday. The problem with finding your Bandito sauce is one of abundance; the hot sauce aisle is dominated by this favour profile and finding the perfect one is like finding a diamond in a pile of glass.
The Ninja
Flavour Profile: Asian
Pepper Suggestion: Gochugaru & Szechuan
Use it on: Ramen and Asian cuisine.
There are a few things in life I refuse to do without, and two of them are instant ramen and quick-and-dirty Chinese takeout. As such, you can’t be putting a bandito sauce on either (or at least you better not be). You need the ninja to do the work.
The ninja (much like the name implies) is an illusive flavour profile to pin down. It’s not sriracha (I’d put that more in the Mad Dog category). Think more along the lines of sesame, kimchi, soy sauce, and shiitake mushroom flavours when selecting your assassin.
The Wiseguy
Flavour Profile: Garlic
Pepper Suggestion: White Habanero
Use it on: Pizza, Pasta, and Italian Food.
Eyyy, it’s a garlic hot sauce. You put it on foods that taste good with garlic. Atta boy. Don’t ask too many questions.
The Wingman
Flavour Profile: Nothing
Pepper Suggestion: Cayenne or ghost pepper
Use it on: Eggs or anything you want to add heat to without a impacting flavour.
Contrary to what the name might suggest, the wingman has nothing to do with wings. The wingman sauce isn’t the centre of attention, but instead takes a supporting role; it adds heat and nothing else. Cayenne sauces are good at this as they don’t interfere with the flavour of the dish, they just add the heat. If you need something more potent than cayenne, you can upgrade to Ghost Pepper. Bit of a trade-off as the ghost imparts more flavour, but a helluva lot more heat.
The Donkey
Flavour Profile: Horseradish or wasabi
Pepper Suggestion: None
Use it on: Roast beef, sushi, and seafood.
Nothing wakes you up better than a swift kick to the face, and that’s where a good horseradish or wasabi sauce comes in. The donkey is a unique sauce in that it doesn’t bring the heat like other sauces. Instead of that capsaicin burn, you get a quick kick to the sinuses from the allyl isothiocyanate (you know, the same active ingredient they use in tear gas). Find one that has both and get the ol’ one-two punch. Also works good for those days at school or in the office where you can’t keep your eyes open.
The All-Rounder
Flavour Profile: House rules
Pepper Suggestion: Up to you
Use: Everything else.
If you’re just starting out with your collection, this is going to be the hardest sauce to find, so maybe leave it for last. This sauce is your ride or die. It’s going to work best for most of the food you eat most often and it might not fit neatly into the other categories. It’s different for everyone and when you find it, you’ll know.
Does this sauce bring you joy?
Keep in mind, this ain’t an objective thing. Your taste, preferences, and heat tolerance in hot sauce is yours and is likely very different from mine. For me, the “heatfull eight” covers most of the food I eat (literally), but maybe you don’t like horseradish as an example. Swap that category with something else, maybe your thing is buffalo sauce (which I think tastes like paint). Or, stop listening to randos like me on the internet and buy every interesting sauce you come across. Who am I to tell you what to do.
Buy the sauces that bring you joy.
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